I think my vagina is haunted
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
