I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
