I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
