So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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