it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
