I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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