I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
