planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
