Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
