I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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