final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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