My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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