Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am one with the molecules
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
