If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
