i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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