Joe is yelling at the trees again.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
