Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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