Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
