i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
