I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
