respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize