I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dignity is for republicans.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
