Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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