Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
