Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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