Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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