I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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