Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
