i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
