In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
