i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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