I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
