U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
