just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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