So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
