NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
