he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
