apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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