Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
