You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
