When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
