she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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