Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
