marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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