I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
