If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
