Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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