Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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