Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize