i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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