My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
