he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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