Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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