Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
