Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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