my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
