That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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