Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
