Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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