btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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