Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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