OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
