would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
