Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
worst night to have a conscience
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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