I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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