4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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