i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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