About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
