You smell like stripper and shame
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
