You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
