Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize