my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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