My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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