The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
