I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Randomize
