why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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