But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
