there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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