last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
