From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
