just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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