This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
