things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
