have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
