i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize