So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
