I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
