this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
