Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
