you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize