HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
