whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
