so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
