so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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