are you still at the devil's house?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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