He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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