Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
