My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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