I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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