You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
