i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You were trust falling into bushes
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
