Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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